Tuesday, June 5, 2007

A Sad Passion to Share....

I have always shared the things I am passionate about here. Today is no different. While I have posted a couple times already today (filling in for yesterday's busy schedule), I have one more thing I need to share.

There is a unspoken club of women in the world who share an eternal ache in their hearts. A painful tragedy that cannot be fully understood until it hits home. I don't talk about it much because it makes people sad and uncomfortable, but today I need to share something and the only way it will make sense is to tell you my story first.

Sixteen years ago I suffered the worst pain I hope to ever have to endure. I was told the unborn baby I was carrying, and almost ready to deliver, was no longer breathing. This was our third child...our first son.

The day we learned he was a boy was one of the happiest of my entire life. We loved our girls, but longed to complete our family with a son. I felt blessed in so many ways that day.

But happiness turned horrific, when months later, I became aware of a distinct lack of Kyle's movement. I went to the doctor and they tried not to let me realize what I was facing as they scurried me off to the hospital for more tests, but I knew. A mother always knows. I cannot go into the depths of anguish I experienced, but suffice it to say it is the single, worst day/week/month/year of my entire life.

While working on my book today, I came across a book I wish was available to me back then...It is called, What Happened To Our Baby? The Story of a Miscarriage by Susan Heizer, Illustrated By Candace Pietschmann.

After losing Kyle, I read every book I could find dealing with stillborn death and miscarriage. Reading was my path back to sanity. It helped me realize that I wasn't alone in my grief, that what I was feeling inside was normal and that, yes, life would indeed, eventually, go on. But I never came across anything to help my two older children understand what was happening to our family. So I am hoping that by sharing the news of this book, if someone out there ever faces what I did, they will have one more source to help them through their family's loss and pain.

It is not a club we seek new members for, but unfortunately the enrollment keep climbing. The statistics say 190 stillborns occur every day in the US. If you would like more information, go to http://www.missinggrace.org/ .

enjoy each moment you are given, for in a second they can disappear...


Tracy said...

Thanks for sharing your story(hugs. My SIL experienced a difficult miscarriage about 6 years ago - I'll pass this along to her.

Jolene George said...

My mother lost 2 babies. My only brother Michael died during delivery and my sister Christy died when she was 4 months old from a doctor who gave her a shot with a dirty needle. I don't know how my mom went on and raised 5 daughters. She must be a strong woman...as are you for dealing with such heartbreaking loss.